My periods stopped, I was terrified I was pregnant. The exams approached. For my creative writing component of the English exam, I wrote about a girl who was being abused by her father. There was nothing else I could have written two sentences about. My English teacher questioned me and I denied everything. However, I slipped and HE KNEW!!
My art teacher had also noticed not right and I had confided in her earlier that something at home was not right. She was so concerned and caring and wanted so much to help. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell because I was so ashamed of what had been done to me.
My mother didn’t believe me, so how could anyone else?
November 1986 I was taken from homeroom and walked the long walk to the office by the Principal. I knew his daughter from Pony Club. Two social workers were waiting and attempted to get me to disclose. As soon as I heard the word
!!! RAPE!!!
“NO” I lied, “It’s not rape! He didn’t touch me!”
I was scared of what he would do to me. I was scared because he had said no one would believe me. I was scared that I would be taken away and my horses would be left with him and I was terrified that someone would know exactly. What. Had. Happened.
Deb was the policewomen who tried to get a statement out of me. She really was a wonderful caring person with a wicked sense of humour. She sat on the floor under the desk with me until dark and then she drove me to DCW and sat on the floor with me again until her stomach rumbling gave away that she was long past her tea time.
I really wanted to do the right thing. I really really wanted to please her but I just couldn’t make the words come out. I was so confused. I could’ve told but I knew that would make him and mum very angry. I had no proof. It would be his word against mine. He was the Santa in the towns Christmas Pageant each year. He raised money for charity with Camel Rides. He was well known in our little country town for being the “Good Guy” . I curled up tight and tried to disappear I just wanted It all to go away!
I didn’t want to tell anyone about What He Did I was so so ASHAMED.
I denied everything.
He was questioned by police and denied everything. The next day mum and him drove down to go to the xmas pageant. The two social workers came around and spoke to all of us in the kitchen. I huddled in a corner while Bronco lied his way out of the accusation. He said I had read it in a book, and made up the story to get attention.
That night he came to me in tears. He said I had hurt my mother very deeply and he had convinced her that he could forgive me. He told me he could understand that I had dobbed on him because I was jealous of him and mum.
He said if I told again, he would sell my horses for dog meat to help pay for the lawyer he would need.
Once a month I would sneak to DCW I would take pieces of writing because I still couldn’t talk or look at Helen at all. I just sat and hung my head and wrung my hands and wished I could talk but completely unable to do so.
hopeilivetotellmylifein3faces 